If you have been following my story from the beginning, you’re probably waiting for me to tell you about the betrayal. Well, today I will finally tell you about the biggest betrayal in my life and, contrary to what many may believe, I wasn’t betrayed, I was the one who did the betraying.
I was now a transformed person, happily serving God and part of the wonderful Universal family. What more could a girl want? However,, my faith was about to be put to the test because my ex-boyfriend returned to my life. After not seeing him for a while, one day coming out of school, there he was. At that time, the desperate obsession I once felt towards him was a distant memory. My life had changed direction and my love life was the last thing I had on my mind.
When he saw me come out, he decided to walk me home. I didn’t want to be rude to him, so I allowed him to walk me home. We spent the journey talking about our lives and I shared my transformation with him. That day became one of many. Every day after that, I found him waiting to walk me home after school and conversations would flow more and more each day.
A part of me knew that I was treading on dangerous ground and that I wasn’t supposed to be having these moments with my ex-boyfriend, but I was stubborn and I ignored the voice of reason inside of me. I kept telling myself that I couldn’t be rude to him plus, nothing wrong was going to happen. After all, I was strong in my faith, or so I thought. Then, one day, during one of our walks he leaned over and kissed me and all the feelings I had felt for him started resurfacing. I kissed him back.
That day was the beginning of my fall. Immediately afterwards, thoughts of guilt started filling my head, ‘how could I have done something like that? I was an Assistant’. The oppression of guilt was very strong and I wished I could rewind my life to the moment before I kissed him, so that I could have the peace I once had but, I couldn’t. It was now too late.
I couldn’t remain an Assistant at that point, so I went to speak to the Pastor about what had happened and he relieved me of my duties and promised to help me. I had never ever felt so disappointed in myself. It was like hell was surrounding me. I couldn’t deal with the feelings of guilt and shame any longer, so I started going to church less and less. One day, I travelled and when I got back, I couldn’t return to the church. To fill my life, I went back to my ex-boyfriend and we rekindled our relationship.
I exchanged a life of peace for a life filled with internal disturbances. I betrayed the only One who had ever been faithful to me. While He could have given more than what my ex-boyfriend offered me, my ex-boyfriend could not give me what He had offered me and this tormented me inside. I told myself, ‘now, with what happened, there was no going back. My life with Him was over’.
I gave up on Him completely, not knowing that He had other plans for me!
Your account will be closed and all data will be permanently deleted and cannot be recovered. Are you sure?