If you have been following my story from the beginning, you’re probably waiting for me to tell you about the betrayal. Well, today I will finally tell you about the biggest betrayal in my life and, contrary to what many may believe, I wasn’t betrayed, I was the one who did the betraying.
I was now a transformed person, happily serving God and part of the wonderful Universal family. What more could a girl want? However,, my faith was about to be put to the test because my ex-boyfriend returned to my life. After not seeing him for a while, one day coming out of school, there he was. At that time, the desperate obsession I once felt towards him was a distant memory. My life had changed direction and my love life was the last thing I had on my mind.
When he saw me come out, he decided to walk me home. I didn’t want to be rude to him, so I allowed him to walk me home. We spent the journey talking about our lives and I shared my transformation with him. That day became one of many. Every day after that, I found him waiting to walk me home after school and conversations would flow more and more each day.
A part of me knew that I was treading on dangerous ground and that I wasn’t supposed to be having these moments with my ex-boyfriend, but I was stubborn and I ignored the voice of reason inside of me. I kept telling myself that I couldn’t be rude to him plus, nothing wrong was going to happen. After all, I was strong in my faith, or so I thought. Then, one day, during one of our walks he leaned over and kissed me and all the feelings I had felt for him started resurfacing. I kissed him back.
That day was the beginning of my fall. Immediately afterwards, thoughts of guilt started filling my head, ‘how could I have done something like that? I was an Assistant’. The oppression of guilt was very strong and I wished I could rewind my life to the moment before I kissed him, so that I could have the peace I once had but, I couldn’t. It was now too late.
I couldn’t remain an Assistant at that point, so I went to speak to the Pastor about what had happened and he relieved me of my duties and promised to help me. I had never ever felt so disappointed in myself. It was like hell was surrounding me. I couldn’t deal with the feelings of guilt and shame any longer, so I started going to church less and less. One day, I travelled and when I got back, I couldn’t return to the church. To fill my life, I went back to my ex-boyfriend and we rekindled our relationship.
I exchanged a life of peace for a life filled with internal disturbances. I betrayed the only One who had ever been faithful to me. While He could have given more than what my ex-boyfriend offered me, my ex-boyfriend could not give me what He had offered me and this tormented me inside. I told myself, ‘now, with what happened, there was no going back. My life with Him was over’.
I gave up on Him completely, not knowing that He had other plans for me!