I was back to square one. After leaving my first true Love, I faced a journey of guilt and pride that would not allow me to start again. There were many voices in my head so I was weak and afraid. There is nothing as horrible as knowing the truth and knowing you failed. There was no consolation for me, as I had betrayed the only One Who could console me. I didn’t believe that He would ever want anything more to do with me.my first true Love, I faced a journey of guilt and pride that would not allow me to start again. There were many voices in my head so I was weak and afraid. There is nothing as horrible as knowing the truth and knowing you failed. There was no consolation for me, as I had betrayed the only One Who could console me. I didn’t believe that He would ever want anything more to do with me.
Well, I focused on my boyfriend, to see whether he could fill the empty space within me. But, he was not enough. That space only belonged to my God and now it was too late for me. My mother kept inviting us to come to church with her, but my pride would not let me. I was not ready to face all those people I had betrayed. But, to my surprise, my boyfriend opened up to the idea.
Because he had lost his dad when he was eight years old, he led a very difficult life. My mother empathised with his story and spent hours explaining to him about how faith in action could change his life. So, he decided to give it a chance and he started attending church with my mother. It was wonderful to hear the two of them talking about what was happening in the church. I would live through them, but still believed I didn’t deserve to be forgiven for my betrayal.
Now I would see all my family and my boyfriend going to God’s house and I would be left alone at home. This filled me with great anguish because I missed His house and I was still feeling sorry for myself. My boyfriend, who was excited about all the new things that were happening to him, started sharing his experiences with God with me. I remember the first time he received a miracle, he was very happy but, the most notable changes were those which were happening inside of him. I was no longer the centre of his universe. He was no longer an unstable person but was positive and was planning for a bright future. He had finally found the Father he had always been searching for.
Seeing these changes in him made me long even more to return to my First Love. One day, facing a huge internal conflict inside of me, I remembered the parable of the prodigal son. After he had greatly betrayed his father, he decided to go back to his father’s house. Remembering how happy the father was to have him back gave me hope. I began to understand that my pride was impeding me from grabbing a second chance. I decided to fight against the guilt, anguish and pride inside of me and chose to believe in God’s mercy. Once again, I had nothing to lose.
I remember the day I went back as if it were yesterday. It was a Sunday morning at 6:00am. These meetings were special as they were all about salvation. On that day, I held nothing back. I poured out everything I had inside of me and I knew He was happy that I was back. That day I met Jesus! Although the church was full, it was as if it were empty. For me, there was only me and Him.
That day marked a new beginning for me and, knowing where I had come from, I never looked back after that. Many more experiences have come after that and I could easily write a book, lol. But, all I can say is, that day, He saved me and restored my life. He delivered me and took away all obstacles I had placed between us when I backslid in my faith.
After a long journey filled with reverence and perseverance, I received the opportunity to serve my God as an Assistant again. By this time, even my boyfriend was serving God and we both decided to place our relationship in God’s hands and dedicated our lives to Him, so that He could bless our future and, He did! After one year, we got married and we are serving God together to this day.
I would like to leave a warning for all the young ladies who are now safe in God’s Presence and who, when reading my story, may be tempted to give in to the temptation of experimenting what the world has to offer, thinking that they will be able to come back later. The battle when you leave becomes extremely intense. I cannot explain to you how weak I felt and how almost impossible it was to come back.
In fact, of those who leave God’s Presence, the majority never make it back. I represent just a minority.
The reason I shared my story was not to give you hope that you can return, but to warn you never to abandon your faith in the first place. I know firsthand what it is like to have hell surround you and it’s an experience no one should ever have. So, take care of your relationship with God. Although the ‘forbidden’ may seem exciting and attractive, I can tell you, nothing in this world will ever fill the space that belongs to Him – no boyfriend, no entertainment, no addiction, no friendship. In other words – NOTHING!
Do whatever it takes to preserve your relationship with Him.