Have you ever realised that when you love a person, what they do, think or say affects you a lot more than when others do it? This is because you are emotionally attached.
As such, when your boss tells you “this report is rubbish”, you may get upset but you will quickly get over it. However, if your partner says the same thing, you are more likely to hold it against, them and bring it up in every argument.
If your negative emotions are running high—whether its anger, pain, hate or shame—don’t expel them on your partner. So what should you do about your feelings? Whatever helps you soothe and calm yourself down: cry if you must, scream into a paper bag, go for a walk, or write furiously in your diary. Do whatever works for you.
Then, when your emotions and your brain are back in control, go and deal with the problem rationally. Emotions are the wrong tool with which to solve problems.
However, if you find yourself at the foot of your partner’s emotional mountain and an avalanche is heading your way, you’ll probably have no time to run for cover; nor should you. If that happens, try taking on the role of a customer service representative.
People who work in customer service know that you can’t reason with an angry customer. The best option in this situation is to empathise, apologise, understand, and fix their problem. The worst option is get upset yourself and respond in the same way.
So when your partner behaves like an angry customer, understand there’s probably a good reason for their anger. Ask what it is and then apologise if you’re responsible for all or part of the problem. Then, while keeping a cool head, decide what you can do to fix the problem. If a customer representative can do it for money, you can do it for love.
You just need to decide that this will be your new method of dealing with your partner’s emotions, as well as your own.