Understanding your partner

Child, Child abuse, Cost of raising a child, Parent,

Understanding your partner

If something made you cry when you were a child, your experience was probably a little something like this:

If you were a boy: you would cry, then go to your parents for some comfort, and would hear something along the lines of: “Stop crying! You’re a man! Men don’t cry. Stop crying now.”

If you were a girl: you would cry, then go to your parents for some comfort, and would hear something along the lines of: “Aw. What happened sweetie? Come here and tell me all about it…” You would be cuddled and showered with love and affection until you had stopped crying.

Now, you are an adult and you are married. But what you probably don’t know is that the same child is still there inside you. What does this mean for your marriage?

If you’re a man: Your wife happens to be upset or stressed out about something. She comes over to speak about something that’s on her mind, expecting to find a shoulder to lean on. What do you give her instead? The same treatment you got from your parents as a child. And worse: you accuse her of being weak.

If you’re a woman: Your husband comes home stressed out or angry. You want to help him, so you offer the same treatment you would receive as a child: “Honey, what happened? Is something wrong? Talk to me!” But he comes out with the classic line: “Everything is fine.” And you feel isolated from his world.

Do you still wonder why men and women don’t understand each other?

The solution begins when you recognise these differences between genders. Then learn to communicate in a more effective way with your partner.

Men, you can step up and adopt a fatherly role when your wife is having one of her emotional phases. “Come here, let me give you a hug… everything is going to be OK.”

Women, you can learn to give your husband more space, understanding that ever since he was a boy, he has learnt to deal with things by himself. He views anything else as weakness.

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