An unbearable void

I was always in pursuit of happiness. Although I looked like a happy person as I was constantly smiling, that was all a front. I showed that I was a cheerful person when in fact, I was extremely sad and empty inside. I was really insecure, constantly comparing myself to others. I always felt inferior. Every other guy looked and seemed better than I did, and this made me feel very low. My family treated me well, I didn’t have any financial problems, and I was not despised by anyone, so I really did not understand why I felt that way.

The complexes inside me were continuous and that made me feel unbearably empty. I struggled to find happiness within myself so I searched elsewhere. I thought if I got married I would be happy, but once I did it, I still felt as if something was missing. Although I was no longer physically alone, I still felt lonely within myself and couldn’t understand why. So I decided to have a child, thinking that maybe this would solve my problem, but it did not. It got to a point where I had a good job, a new car, a beautiful house – everything anyone could possibly want – but still nothing brought me the much-desired joy. I remained unhappy.

My frustration led me to search for this peace in the wrong places, such as brothels, where I would cheat on my wife. I had a mistress and started drinking a lot of alcohol. This ruined my marriage and I got divorced. As I thought that maybe I had married the wrong person, soon after, I got married again, still hoping to find true happiness in a marriage. However, this time was a living hell, a lot worse than my first marriage. We would constantly fight and break things in the house. My finances were also in ruins. This was the worst period of my life because not only was I unhappy within myself, but also my family was destroyed. My children would watch us fight. It was a total mess. That was when I realised that my life needed to change.

When I came to the UCKG, I discovered why I felt so empty inside. At first, I had been very hesitant as to how they would be able to help me, but when I gave them a chance, they proved me wrong. They helped me realise that the reason I couldn’t be happy, no matter what I did, was that my problem wasn’t external. My problem was the emptiness I had inside me that I would try to avoid.

The Wednesday meetings really helped me. Through the advice and guidance that I was receiving there, I learnt how to use my faith. This allowed me to overcome my complexes as I learnt that I didn’t have to worry about what others thought of me. I realised that I didn’t need to compare myself to anyone for God made me exclusive, unique. One of the many teachings that stood out for me and allowed me to restore my marriage was when I learned that for my marriage to work, I needed to stop concentrating on all the wrongdoings of my partner and fix my flaws as a husband. The teachings and advice aren’t given in a cliché way, which really intrigued me.

Today, I have the peace and happiness that I had sought in my whole life. I’m happily married with a great job, blessed and, most importantly, I no longer feel empty. It is neither the physical things nor death that will solve your problems. If you have a void as I did, come to find out what is missing within you.’

Marcelo Amaral

We would like to invite you to come to our Wednesday meetings at 7.30pm (also at 7am, 10am and 3pm) to find out how you can be truly happy from the inside out.

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