What if the biggest problem in your love life isn’t a lack of love, but a lack of proper diagnosis?
Just as in medicine, many relationships fail because people treat the symptoms rather than identifying the true underlying problem.
This is why some people, even those who appear confident, successful, and socially admired, still struggle deeply in their love life. They may seem to have everything together, yet carry emotional issues that quietly affect their relationships. Often, these issues sit so deep that they go unnoticed, even by the person experiencing them.
The Bible illustrates this with the rich young man (Luke 18:18–23). He had wealth, status, and influence, but still carried an inner emptiness. His struggle wasn’t external, but internal. The same happens in relationships. You can have looks, achievements, and experience, yet remain unhappy in love if the root issue is never treated.
This is why a proper diagnosis is so important, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Did you know that dating already reveals what marriage will be like?
If you’re not treating each other well during this stage, things won’t suddenly improve after marriage; they will only get worse. Dating is meant to bring peace, growth, and clarity, not emotional exhaustion or constant distress.
Before healing can take place, the problem must first be correctly identified. These diagnoses help reveal whether a relationship is healthy or quietly harmful.
Diagnosis 1: Love should heal, not harm.
For singles: A relationship should add value to your life, not take it away. If being with someone robs you of peace, joy, and emotional well-being, that is not healthy love. Controlling, jealous, or oppressive behaviour does not improve with time—it worsens. A person of God adds to the other’s life. If you are becoming emotionally or spiritually unwell in a relationship, that is a warning sign that something is wrong.
For married couples: It’s easy to focus on what your spouse is doing wrong, yet God calls us to examine ourselves first. Many couples misdiagnose the situation and try to fix a problem that isn’t actually the cause. Meanwhile, the real issue remains untouched, quietly damaging the relationship.
Diagnosis 2: Stop reliving the past.
Constantly bringing up past betrayals, old mistakes, or already-forgiven situations slowly erodes a marriage.
God chooses not to remember forgiven sins (Micah 7:19), and healthy couples follow that same principle. They strengthen their relationship by remembering the good moments, not reopening wounds that should have healed.
Diagnosis 3: Rethink the way you communicate.
There are two harmful communication styles: shouting and shutting down. Shouting creates conflict, not conversation, while silence creates distance.
Marriage requires adjustment, even for those who don’t naturally like to talk. Marriage teaches us to grow beyond what we would choose if we were single.
Diagnosis 4: Choose transparency
A healthy relationship allows no room for secrecy, including phones, passwords, and major decisions. Hiding problems doesn’t protect your partner; it only delays the inevitable. Your spouse doesn’t want to be excluded from difficulties; they want to face them with you and work towards a solution.
Lastly, the only One that never gets a diagnosis wrong is God. The danger comes when we ignore what He reveals. However, when we humble ourselves, He shows us exactly what needs to change. Healing begins when we recognise the issue, accept the diagnosis, and follow the treatment God gives, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Like medical treatment, the process can hurt, but the outcome is restoration and a healthy relationship.
Join us for the Love Therapy seminar this Thursday, 5th February at 8pm, and discover what has been holding you back, so this area of your life can finally be restored.
Event:Â The Love Therapy Seminar
Day and time:Â Thursday, 5th February at 8pm
Location:Â The Cathedral of Miracles, Rainbow Theatre, 232 Seven Sisters Road, Finsbury Park, London, N4 3NX (outside London via conference)
