Every loving relationship goes through three essential stages. It’s through understanding and navigating each stage with care that couples can mature in love and have a happy, lasting marriage. This was the core message discussed by Bishop James and Helena Marques at the last Love Therapy Seminar, held at the Rainbow Theatre.
The first stage of love is often marked by an overwhelming sense of perfection. This is the phase of flowers, compliments, and idealising the partner. Everything seems flawless, and both partners may feel like they have found their perfect match. During this phase, individuals present the best version of themselves.
However, it’s important to remember that this stage, while healthy and enjoyable, cannot last forever which often leads to disappointment when the second stage arrives. While it’s natural and important to experience infatuation, it’s crucial to understand that this feeling will change over time.
This is the stage where many relationships encounter significant challenges. As the infatuation stage fades, the reality of the other person’s imperfections along with our own becomes clear. The disillusionment stage can feel uncomfortable and even painful, but it is a necessary step for the relationship to mature.
Disillusionment is not the end of love. It marks the beginning of real love, which requires intelligence, humility, and a willingness to change. During this stage, couples often make the mistake of blaming their partner for the problems that arise. However, as Bishop James reminds us, “You are the other person’s mirror, and they are yours.” In other words, the traits that irritate you most in your partner may reflect something inside yourself that needs addressing. Rather than pointing fingers, it’s a time to look inward and consider how both partners can grow and improve.
Emotional reactions at this stage can lead to destructive behaviours, with couples blaming one another or avoiding the necessary changes. But for those who choose to approach this stage with reason and faith, there is a chance to overcome pride and experience genuine transformation in their relationship.
Sadly, many marriages break down during this stage because both partners struggle to accept the reality of their imperfections and the need for growth. They each go their own way until they separate emotionally or physically, and the worst part is that they carry the same defects into their next relationship.
For those who fail to navigate the disillusionment phase with maturity, a sense of emotional distance begins to set in. Partners may continue living under the same roof, but their lives become separate and they become like housemates.
So, how do couples find their way back from this point? Bishop James suggests that asking for feedback from your partner is a good place to start. “How did we get here?” is a crucial question. However, this process requires humility—the willingness to listen, accept constructive criticism, and make changes.
The journey through these three stages isn’t easy, but couples who navigate them with faith, reason, and humility often find true fulfilment in their relationship.
If you’re keen to discover how to love intelligently, come along to our next Love Therapy Seminar on Thursday, 26th June and learn how to have a blessed and happy love life.
Event: The Love Therapy Seminar
Day and time: Thursday 26th June at 8pm
Location: The Cathedral of Miracles, Rainbow Theatre, 232 Seven Sisters Road, Finsbury Park, London, N4 3NX (outside London via conference)
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