The most recent Love Therapy Seminar offered plenty of food for thought for both singles and couples. Two common mistakes that often compromise relationships were highlighted, along with practical guidance on how expressive communication can transform your love life.
Mistake One: Believing that marriage will be different
Many singles, eager to marry, overlook obvious flaws in their partner. When you date someone, especially when you marry them, you essentially say, “I accept you as you are.” Yet, many convince themselves they will be able to change their partner after marriage.
Women, in particular, often expect change once they get married. In most cases, men do not make the same mental shift. A woman may enter marriage thinking, “I’m becoming a wife,” whereas a man may simply see it as just “living together”.
Marriage requires sharing everything, because two lives become one. That’s why it’s so important to discuss key aspects before saying “I do”: your vision for the future, practical realities, and even circumstances such as whether your partner already has children.
Mistake Two: Valuing chemistry over character
Passion and love are not the same thing. Many people prioritise physical attraction over character, believing chemistry alone can sustain a relationship. But you can’t love at first sight. What you feel initially is chemistry, not love. Love grows over time, through understanding and shared experiences.
When chemistry is valued above character, people often overlook negative behaviours such as lying, aggression, or jealousy—mistaking them for signs of love. The truth is, no one can enter a healthy relationship while broken inside; healing must come first. A lasting relationship is built on character, not just attraction.
Expressive Communication: The key to harmony
Many relationship problems arise because partners assume the other already knows what they want. People often avoid speaking up, thinking it’s unnecessary. But when feelings are not expressed, frustration builds, and partners end up feeling blamed or attacked.
The solution is expressive communication. It’s simple: when you want something, ask for it. Slamming doors or expecting your partner to read your mind doesn’t count. Intelligent love is practical. You communicate clearly, calmly, and at the right moment.
Timing and respect are essential. Avoid speaking when angry, and always make your requests politely, without sounding critical or commanding. The goal is for your partner to understand in a way they may not have realised before.
Avoiding these common mistakes and practising expressive communication are key to building intelligent love.
The Love Therapy Seminars take place every Thursday at 8pm at the Cathedral of Miracles. It’s open to anyone keen to learn how to build strong, healthy relationships. Come along and see the difference it can make.
Event: The Love Therapy Seminars
Day and time: Every Thursday at 8pm
Location: The Cathedral of Miracles, Rainbow Theatre, 232 Seven Sisters Road, Finsbury Park, London, N4 3NX (outside London via conference)
