I began to think how could I stop this internal darkness of feeling so void and empty.
I would self-harm as it gave me a sense of control over my life. I tried drinking bleach and got a wire to hang myself, but my mother stopped me. I would search Google for painless ways to die. I started taking tablets in the hopes to overdose and ended up in hospital. The doctor referred me to CAMHS for therapy sessions. I started therapy with high expectations that I would finally find a solution to my problems, but the more I attended, the more I realised that my life remained the same.
This is when the idea came to sell my soul. I heard of celebrities doing it and I believed this would be a quick solution in order to attain my healing through making a pact with the devil. After completing a few of the steps to sell my soul, I started to hear voices and feeling strange things happening around me but nothing was there, this is when I understood that the devil was real. I was petrified – this was the worst moment of my life! I then realised if I could hear the voices of demons, I should be able to hear God’s voice too and this made me want to fight to know God.