Many of us, when we were younger, had posters on our bedroom walls and dreamed about our favourite singer or actor. We would say things like, “I love them!” even though we had never met them, never spoken to them, and knew little beyond what we saw on a screen or stage. What we were feeling wasn’t love. The truth is, we cannot genuinely love someone we do not know. This was the topic addressed by Bishop James and Helena Marques in last week’s Love Therapy Seminar.
So, how do we truly get to know someone?
Before anyone can build a healthy love life, the starting point is always the same: knowing God. The Bible says in Jeremiah 9:23-24 “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, let not the mighty man glory in his might, nor let the rich man glory in his riches; But let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth. For in these I delight,” says the Lord.”
Most of us didn’t come running to God because everything in life was perfect. We found Him in moments of struggle, confusion, or deep need. That problem, whatever it was, became the doorway through which we began to get to know Him. However, the only way we can truly know God is through receiving His Spirit. Once that happens and we begin to know Him more, our love for Him grows. That is when a true relationship begins. Since God is the Author of Love, knowing Him empowers us to express love to others.
But here’s the twist: before we can truly love others, we must first know ourselves.
Ever wondered why you react a certain way in an argument? Why you find it difficult to forgive? Or why certain things really get under your skin? If we don’t understand who we are, we cannot grow. If we refuse to change, it’s often because we have not taken the time or had the courage to evaluate ourselves.
Knowing ourselves helps us understand our patterns, our habits, even our wounds and gives us the power to change them.
In marriage or any relationship, it’s the same. You’ve got to make the effort to know the person you are with. Their likes and dislikes, how they think, what makes them tick. We often assume we know someone because we live with them but familiarity isn’t the same as understanding. That kind of knowing comes from listening, paying attention, asking questions, and being willing to learn—not just once, but continually, over time.
But it all begins with:
Together, these form the foundation of a solid and lasting love.
Did this article help you? Share it with someone who might need it too — or even better, join us in person every Thursday at the Love Therapy Seminars.
Be our special guest!
Event: The Love Therapy Seminars
Day and time: Thursday 3rd July at 8pm
Location: The Cathedral of Miracles, Rainbow Theatre, 232 Seven Sisters Road, Finsbury Park, London, N4 3NX (outside London via conference)
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