I found a powerful kind of energy

I always felt like my family was against me and that no one understood me. Because of this, I would either isolate myself or go out, simply because I didn’t enjoy their company. Soon after, I developed a void inside of me, which I would try to fill by going partying.

All of these thoughts caused me to have constant migraines; my head would pound continuously, and it would only stop when I was asleep. This made me into a very angry person; I would be in my room most of the time and I felt the need to have the light off and remain in darkness.

As time passed, the void only increased: I was empty, I felt like an outcast, and this made me extremely low. I tried other things, such as smoking cigarettes, weed, and involving myself in multiple relationships, in order to fill this emptiness; however, these things only filled me temporarily and, in the long run they made me fell worse.

I then began shoplifting with friends as a cry for help to get my mother’s attention. For once, I wanted her to ask me how I was, why I was doing what I was doing. I needed to express myself, but never knew how. Because I never received this attention, I became even worse.

I was bottling everything inside until I couldn’t take it anymore. One evening I went out for a stroll and my mind became a
warzone: “I’m worthless. Everyone hates me. Why is my life like this? No one cares for me. What’s the point of living? No one will miss me…” was constantly bombarding my mind.

I began to think of ways to end my life and this was my lowest moment.

It was during this time that a friend invited me to the Universal Church; there, I opened up to one of the advisers and, for the first time, I felt like someone was actually listening to me. I received great advice and, from there, my life started to develop. I began attending the youth meetings, as well as the Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday services, where I learned to connect to God’s energy. Consequently, I understood that the way I was living my life and the way I was thinking had to change, because I was just going around in circles.

I decided to first change in my house: I learned that I needed to forgive in order to move on and, although it wasn’t easy, I forgave my family and began to invest in my relationship with them, by putting effort into conversations. I then gained the courage to let go of the bad company, because that wasn’t helping me at all. Through this, I began to notice changes in my mind: I was no longer feeling down, thinking negatively, or holding on to the past.

I continued coming, because I knew that God wanted to transform me completely and, although it didn’t happen overnight, eventually that’s exactly what happened. Today my life has changed around massively: the void that I once had has been filled with permanent peace and joy, I don’t have a heavy heart, no more constant headaches, I am happy to get up every morning, and I want to live. I don’t have a broken home anymore; I am very close to my siblings and parents, and I am now working at my dream job.’

Siobhan Watkis