Many times, couples often face relationship problems, challenges and, instead of tackling them as a team, they often fall into the trap of blaming one another. Rather than pointing to the problem, they end up pointing the finger at their partner.
This was the key message shared by Bishop James Marques and his wife, Helena, during the Love Therapy seminar held last Thursday. Drawing on Biblical principles, they encouraged couples to reflect on how they can use a simple but powerful tool: their finger.
With just one gesture, a person can trigger an argument or prevent one entirely. A powerful example from the Bible illustrates this– the story of the woman caught in adultery. When the Pharisees brought her before Jesus, they were not seeking true justice. Their real motive was to trap Jesus. Interestingly, the man involved was not present, which was a clear sign of injustice.
In response, Jesus did not accuse or condemn. Instead, He knelt down and began writing on the ground with His finger. What He wrote remains a mystery. Jesus, the only one without sin, had the right to condemn the woman but He didn’t. He showed mercy and offered her a fresh start.
From this, we can take away two essential lessons for any relationship:
When someone feels blamed, their instinct is often to defend themselves or retaliate which only escalates the conflict. Rather than saying, “You always let me down,” try expressing your feelings: “That hurt me,” or “I felt really insecure when that happened.” The key is to point to the behaviour, not point or attack the person.
Jesus didn’t shame the woman or drag up her past. He simply said, “Go and sin no more.” This same approach can be transformative in a relationship. When a disagreement arises, don’t mix the problem with your partner’s identity. Once things become personal, a small disagreement can turn into a full-blown war.
Use your finger as Jesus did: aim for a solution. You have the power to turn a moment of conflict into an opportunity for reconciliation – the outcome depends on where you choose to point.
Did you find this helpful? Join us every Thursday at 8pm for the Love Therapy Seminars, where we explore the ‘Tools of Intelligent Love.’ Be there to discover what the 13th tool will be.
Event: The Love Therapy Seminars
Day and time: Every Thursday at 8pm
Location: The Cathedral of Miracles, Rainbow Theatre, 232 Seven Sisters Road, Finsbury Park, London, N4 3NX (outside London via conference)
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