A life that seemed destined to become another statistic of youth knife violence and drugs took a startling turn. Herve Mokanda, shaped by a difficult childhood and the pressures that shadow so many young people, arrived at the Victory Youth Group (VYG) in Birmingham armed with a machete and a plan to kill the pastor. What happened next defied every expectation. Instead of becoming another sad headline, the moment marked the beginning of something big. Here he tells his story.

I remember that Sunday like it were yesterday. A switch flipped inside and I couldn’t control myself. I hid the machete in my trousers and stormed through the doors of the Universal Church hellbent on killing the pastor.

“This wasn’t the first time blind rage took over me. I once planned a hit on my own dad too (we had a strained relationship).

“Years before I came for the pastor, an incident happened where one of my dad’s friends made up a lie about me and he took his side and believed it.

“The ‘anger switch’ was turned on! My plan was to kidnap him, shoot him in the head, and then take my own life. The only reason why I didn’t go through with it was because the process of getting a gun took too long.

“The conflict between us began when my dad’s then-girlfriend would beat me daily with slippers and wooden spoons for no reason at all. She’d tell me, ‘You’re not good enough’ and ‘You will never amount to anything in life.’ When I’d tell my dad, he’d always take her side and I hated him for
that. I felt hurt, and this built a lot of anger inside me towards
them both.

“Since I didn’t get love at home, I turned to the streets. I formed a gang with some school friends and we roamed around with knives, selling weed and cocaine and getting into fights. My gang became my family. Being with them gave me a sense of ‘power,’ but it never filled the void I felt inside nor took away the anger I carried. To make matters worse, I started seeing strange shadows and feeling as though there was a presence pressing down on my chest at night. I felt as though I couldn’t move, shout, or breathe properly. It was like a real-life nightmare.    

“Back then, the only future I could see for myself was either death or prison. Little did I know that my life was about to change drastically. I had a friend who was part of the VYG and I was meant to meet him, but he was late because he was talking to a pastor at the Universal Church.

“The pastor was speaking to my friend about distractions that divert a person’s focus. My call at that exact moment was the perfect example for the pastor to illustrate his point, as it was my call that distracted my friend from the conversation. When my friend told me about the example, I interpreted what the pastor said wrongly. I thought he said that I was the bad distraction. I saw red and that’s when I decided to kill the pastor, although I’d never met him.

“The following Sunday, I went to the church with my machete, focused on my target. However, when I locked eyes with him, suddenly my anger disappeared. He was sharing his testimony and it was as if I was listening to my own life story. I couldn’t understand how he could stand there smiling and speaking about change and being a new person when I was struggling to keep even my anger in check. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said all the way home.

“Although it sounded too good to be true, seeing him made me think that maybe I could be different too. For me, the combination of the VYG meetings, Sunday services and the Spiritual Cleansing meetings on Fridays helped me the most. They helped me understand that some problems have a spiritual root and can only be tackled spiritually, and that’s where prayer came in. With this understanding, I started praying against all the strange things I felt at night.

“The VYG meetings helped me understand that in order for me to be able to have a better future, I had to let go of everything that was affecting my life negatively, including the gang and drug dealing. I was ruining people’s lives and didn’t want to be that guy anymore. Obviously, it wasn’t an easy task, because the gang was like my family and I was very attached to that lifestyle. But I got that it was the only way for me to really be free.

“I decided to put it all behind me and stick to my decision. Eventually, I left the gang lifestyle behind and have overcome my spiritual and inner problems. Years have passed and I’m far removed from that lifestyle and who I was. Today, I’m happily married and I no longer have family issues because my dad is actually my best friend now. I was able to forgive and make peace with him. I don’t ruin other people’s lives; instead, I help others overcome their problems just like I did. I volunteer in the VYG and every time I put on my uniform, it reminds me that I am part of something big.”

Herve Mokanda