When being the life and soul of the party just doesn’t cut it anymore

a new story, Attention seeking, clubbing and drinking, I began to understand, wrong things,

When being the life and soul of the party just doesn't cut it anymoreI was starved for attention as a child and therefore did all the wrong things to get everyone’s attention. At 14 years old, I was involved with a group of older friends. I would be out clubbing and drinking, and I dressed in a provocative way to be noticed. I also took up smoking as a habit and even tried marijuana. I did all I could to have everyone’s eyes on me, to feel loved, and this was the only way I knew how.

Yet this didn’t hide the fact that I was very much empty and lost, and I had the feeling that life had no meaning at all. At the end of a wild night I would go home, lay my head on my pillow with tears rolling down my cheeks, alone with the ‘real me’. When I started attending the UCKG HelpCentre, through the sessions I began to understand the reason I was so empty, and the hope for change became available to me. It wasn’t something that happened overnight. Every time I attempted to change, I would fall right back to my attention seeking and the irresistible temptations that came my way.

However, the lessons that were given during the sessions were what kept me going. As I continued attending their Sunday meetings, I really began to see a difference within me. I let go of all the pain of the past. Today I write a new story. I know the true meaning of the word ‘happiness’. The attention I thought I lacked, I have received from the One who well and truly gives it fully. I am at peace and there is no club, drink or cigarette that can fill that.

Paulette Bandeira

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