Death was calling

Bible, Christ, God, Holy Spirit, I wanted help, I would manipulate, Jesus, the purposes of faith,

Death was callingThe earliest memories that Ana Firmino has of her childhood are bleak and miserable.

“When I was seven years old, I went to live with my father so that I could attend a better school. However, my stepmother began to mistreat me. She favoured my stepbrother over me and made it clear that she disliked me.

My father was always at work, so he was not aware of this, and when he was around, he barely spent any time with me. Further to this, a family member who lived with us at the time did strange things to me. I did not realise then that this was not normal.

As I got older, I shut myself off from the world. I had low self-esteem and because of this, my love life was also a disaster. I believed that I was born to suffer. Sex became my addiction; I allowed my desires to take over. I would manipulate men to get what I wanted and didn’t care.

My hatred towards my mother was also an issue. I could not stand her! I thought that she had not done enough to protect me when I was younger, and this brought back the idea of being unloved.

Despite the front I put up, I felt empty, dirty and consequently, I felt like the worst person in the world. I had hit rock bottom so hard that I started hearing voices telling me to smash my head against a wall or to find some other way to kill myself. Death was calling. It tormented me. I just wanted it to end.

I heard of one UCKG HelpCentre through my mother. Though I wanted help, I felt that I was too far gone to recover. It took a long time for the messages, prayers and the advice to really sink in and mean anything to me. I was advised to start attending on Fridays for deliverance and Sundays for empowerment, and later to also come on Wednesdays for spiritual growth. I spoke to the Pastor’s wife and, for the first time in my life, I opened up to someone.

I told her what was on my mind and poured out everything that I had once disregarded. This was the first step towards change. After this, I felt stronger and believed there was hope for me yet.

I decided to do a purpose of faith. I wanted to show God that this change I was asking for was real, that I had made up my mind and I would not go back to my old ways.

I did not give up during any of the purposes of faith; I continued to do them, one after the other. As I let go of the drinking and the promiscuity, I could feel myself changing. It was difficult but I was determined.

The transformation in me did not happen straight away. It took at least five months. When I received the Holy Spirit, that was the answer I had been searching for. I was so happy. My mind and my plans changed.

For the first time, I experienced true happiness. Now, my family are reunited and I have a completely new vision for every area of my life. I am moving on to bigger and better things.”

Ana Firmino

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