My cyber affair revenge

With a story jam packed with secrets, domestic struggles, infidelity, heartache and murder, Lani could have easily been caricatured as the newest ‘Desperate Housewife’ on Wisteria Lane.

Much like the characters depicted in the show, the 34-year-old from the Philippines was desperate for love. She had been married for 10 years, but within that period of time, Lani barely saw her husband, Edmar, due to work commitments. In fact, because she was based in Hong Kong and him in Saudi Arabia, they only saw each other for one month every two years.

Undoubtedly, this had a catastrophic effect on their marriage. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but sadly for Lani, it turned out to be a case of ‘when the cat is away, the mice will play’. In late 2007, she found out that her husband was having an affair.

“I was devastated when I was told that my husband was having an affair,” she remembers. “ When I confronted him he denied it, but from that moment the trust was already gone.”

Lani didn’t leave Edmar but she made sure she reminded him of the pain he had caused her every time they spoke. The love she once felt towards her husband had now turned into hatred. Every time she thought about him she only thought of one thing: revenge.

“As a way of getting back at him, I started entertaining ‘suitors’ on the Internet. I would have’ cyber boyfriends’ and spend lots of money on long distance phone calls and text messages to them. This went on for over a year. There was no commitment whatsoever in any of those cyber affairs. I even told my husband what I was doing and he made no secret about how it hurt him that I could do such a thing. Our marriage had really hit rock bottom. We stopped speaking to each other for a year. At this point I hated him so much that I wanted a hit-man to finish him off!

“I asked a web boyfriend if he knew anyone I could hire to fix my husband. He introduced one to me, but while we are under negotiations, I got scared and had no peace of mind. I suddenly thought that I shouldn’t lose hope in our marriage – that we might come to terms one of these days.

This is the part of the story that deviates from Desperate House wives: While the sitcom answer – willingly or unwillingly – suggests that unsatisfied women ought to go out and flirt, Lani found out that there is a better way for her to overcome her pain and be fulfilled and happily married.

“It was my aunt who told me about the UCKG. She knew about my marital problems and invited me to attend. I cried out to God about my situation and gave Him everything.”

As Lani learned to let go of her hatred, her heart softened towards her husband. She forgave Edmar and used the UCKG meetings as a way to clean her life from the bitterness and resentment she held inside. For Lani, the meetings at the UCKG were like therapy – a way to let go of her past and start afresh. After a few months, an opportunity came for her to talk to her husband – she decided to take it.

“I nervously asked him if there was any hope of fixing our marriage and he said he’d think about it and admit that he had broken up with the other woman, wanted to fix his life and that he did still love. We kept on speaking - getting to know each other all over again.

“After so long apart, we decided to reconcile and fight for our marriage. Edmar decided to leave his work in the Middle East and move back to Hong Kong so he could be closer to me.

“In May 2009, I went back home and being there with him felt like a second honeymoon. Today I am very happily married. God not only restored my marriage but we are also expecting our first child.”

Lani Lazaro Palma