The place I could always come back to

Bible, Christian, First Epistle of John, God, God the Father, Gospel of Matthew, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Paul the Apostle,

My story begins at home. This is the first place you are brought to after you’ve been born; it’s the place you always come back to. For me, home was everything. My home appeared to have an atmosphere of happiness and unity. But it was all a façade. My mother was very jealous of my father and that’s where the arguments began.

I remember the countless times she beat my brothers only to vent out the frustration she felt. Watching these episodes was heart breaking. I wanted to shy away from it all, to turn a blind eye and believe that everything was all right. But it wasn’t.

I closed up and refused to speak, fearing that I might be the next to be hit. Thus, the inferiority and complexes I felt grew until I had completely shut myself away from the world. I stayed alone with my thoughts, and turned into a young adult living in great fear and dependence of my parents for everything.

But something happened at 18. The shy girl fell in love. I thought that he was the one because it was a feeling I had never felt before. All I could see was the man of my dreams, but my mother saw something different. She didn’t accept our relationship. I wanted to date with her consent, but she refused.

So the shy girl broke out of her shell. I thought I was old enough; I could do what I wanted. I didn’t have to listen to my mother. I continued to date my boyfriend in secret, but I couldn’t hide it for long. When my mother found out she was furious, and drove me out of the house. Home—the place I thought I could always come back to.

I knew she was disappointed. I had been the calm and quiet daughter that had never given her any problems. It was as if I had stabbed her in the back. But she had never known who I truly was… until now.

I went to live with my boyfriend thinking that everything would be fine. But my dream turned into a nightmare. The sweet and loving partner became uncaring and hostile, even to the point of betraying me. I was shocked!

“How could he do that to me? I left everything to be with him?”

I was sore from the pain that held onto my heart. My pride was hurt. I wanted to go home, to hug the family I had turned my back on.

And I did. With my head down, I went back and surprisingly, they accepted me. I was ready to do things differently. But home wasn’t the only place I needed to make my way back to…

I stepped inside the UCKG HelpCentre ready to be a new Fernanda. This time would be different. This time, I wouldn’t take the words of the advisers so lightly. This time, I wouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that it wasn’t for me.

After going back home, there was no denying the change in my family. My mother was a completely different woman. She was happy, smiling and she and my father were in love. I could see it.

I wanted happiness too. Deep down, I felt an emptiness that made me wake up. I needed help and I couldn’t keep on living this way.

I started going to the meetings on Fridays and Sundays. I had roots that needed to be plucked out—shyness, emptiness and fear.

I remember making a decision one Sunday; I talked to God in a way I had never done before. I poured my heart out to Him and told Him everything I was feeling. I explained who I wanted to be, and with that sincere prayer, He gave it to me. I was so happy! He gave me the Holy Spirit. The void that I’d kept inside for so long was filled.

My mind changed in such a way that I was ready to achieve. I had been unemployed for a year, but now I couldn’t stand not working. I took part in a Campaign of Israel and put my faith to the test. I built up my vow and even before the day to present it had arrived, God honoured me with a great job in healthcare.

The exciting thing is that the HelpCentre never gave up on me. And I am proud of the person I have become. I don’t even know what it means to be shy anymore.

My mother is my best friend and today, I have goals, I am in university, I’m working and above all, I have peace. The UCKG was the place I could always come back to.

Fernanda Oliveira