Behind the mask

As a child I was constantly sick and the doctors could never diagnose what it was.

Mum was advised to see a ‘prophet’. He prayed a lot, that’s why I think she believed in him, and went to see him. I remember him telling her that, to solve the problem, she would have to bring some kind of sacrifice to give the ‘water spirit’ so that it would leave me alone. He told her to bring a chicken and some salt, and in the night we would go to the river and kill the chicken and just leave everything there hoping that things would get better.

He also told my mum that to protect the whole family he had to perform a ritual on us all. I remember he would kill a lamb and once it was dead and the blood was shed, we would line up and he would rub the whole thing on our bodies, and then bury whatever we were wearing along with the dead lamb in the garden. This was done on a yearly basis but there was no change in my health.

I was very unhappy and felt lost after my parents died. Where was God? What would I do? Where would I go? So many questions crossed my mind. I even thought of killing myself.

In the search for happiness, I got into a relationship and masked my inner turmoil with a life of parties and drinking. The relationship seemed good for a while but then we started arguing and fighting. For some reason we liked each other but couldn’t be together. When I realised that the problem was inside me, nothing could really make me happy. I was using the relationship just as a cover up, but inside I was extremely sad. I turned to friends and used to spend most of my time going to clubs and travelling. It was the only thing I felt would make me happy but deep down I knew it wasn’t true, I just became good at acting happy.

After a stormy argument with my boyfriend, I packed up my things and left him. Soon after, I found the UCKG.

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