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I should have been dead
“She would use a razor blade to cut my hands, chest, forehead and feet and then rub ash in the wound. Every time this would happen, I was in pain for days. Once, I was taken to a witchdoctor where eggs were broken over my body and was told not to bathe for three days.” The rituals continued until Maureen and her brother were sent back to the UK as she turned 21. When her aunt failed to turn up at the airport to pick them up, she was taken in by a stranger who offered to look after her and her brother. “We were waiting for a long time but she just didn’t turn up. This man came up to us asking if we were new and offered to help us. I told him our situation but he said that my aunt would not turn up and that this kind of thing happens all the time.” Upset and confused, Maureen convinced him to drive her and her brother to the aunt’s house. When she arrived there, what was meant to be a new start for her, turned out to be a new phase of pain in her life. “When we arrived, my auntie basically rejected us. I was so upset and felt like I had no other choice. This stranger was offering to get us a place and all that we needed - it seemed the only option I had.” Prisoner in a free country After some time living together, Maureen married the man who helped her but this was no fairy tale. “He convinced me that as we were living together anyway, this option made sense because once married, we would receive more money from the government.” The truth was, because she was born in the UK, the man married Maureen only to get his stay in the country. He mistreated her and was often violent. “I was stuck in the relationship because he controlled everything I did. I was not allowed to have any friends - he was the only person I had to support me. “I felt neglected by him and would always cry. I bottled everything up and felt trapped but had no one to turn to. Because I had been away for so long, when I came back to the UK everything seemed new. I had no clue of the system and needed him for everything. It was like I was new in the country… I felt like a prisoner in a free country. “The worse moment of my life was when he threatened to kill me. He wanted to take our daughter out at 1am in the morning and because I refused, he held a knife to my throat. He only stopped because I screamed so loudly.” But for 2 years, Maureen stayed in this abusive relationship thinking that things were going to get better. “He helped me to get a job and sort out other problems so although I was frustrated in this relationship, I kept hoping he would change and that somehow things would get better.” But when she gave birth to her second daughter everything went from bad to worse. Her husband was not happy about the second pregnancy and she just wanted to run away. “I was scared of taking the kids because he would often threaten me saying that if I ran away, he would find me. I spoke to my brother about my plan to run away but he said it would be better for me to stay because I would be unable to cope with the girls on my own.” Reluctantly, she stayed. Breaking point “One day, I couldn’t take it anymore. Everything that was bottled up just exploded. I ran down to the kitchen and smashed all the windows. Though blood was gushing out everywhere, I felt no pain.” Neighbours called the police but Maureen refused to open the door. When they finally entered the house, they took her two children away for safety and arrested her. She was placed in a mental hospital where she was diagnosed initially as suffering from postnatal depression. But because the episodes kept repeating and she would hear voices, doctors rediagnosed her as schizophrenic. “The first time I was taken in, I was out of control. I would attack the nurses and rip down things from the walls. To me, everyone looked strange. My daughters were taken into care because I was unstable. “St Clemens hospital became my second home. I kept hearing voices not only telling me to kill myself but also how to do it. I was afraid of death but ironically, at the same time felt suicidal. The doctors put me on heavy medication in an attempt to stop me from tearing down the place. I was in such a bad state that it took four men to pin me down!” But the medication didn’t help much - it only made Maureen feel drowsy and lethargic. She was put in a flat within the rehabilitation centre. When she was well enough, her daughters were allowed to join her but she was constantly being monitored. Even after she was well enough to leave the centre, she was under the watchful eyes of the social workers. They would monitor and check everything she did. From cooking for her children to cleaning the house - everything had to be recorded. Her life became a rollercoaster of one moment being well enough to have her daughters to having them taken away again.
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London born Maureen Obi was only 9 years old when her father died after their family moved back to Nigeria. Her mother who was often abusive towards her believed in witchcraft and would perform rituals in an attempt to protect her and her 3 brothers from death.