We moved in together into Clement's two bedroom home in London. When I arrived with six suitcases, he didn’t know what to do, and that wasn’t even a fraction of my belongings. I still had more at my apartment! This was a big adjustment for the both of us and problems began to surface. I had always been very meticulous because I had a maid who tidied my home, putting everything in order. Clement was the opposite. It was a real bachelor’s pad. I couldn’t stand papers and auto magazines all on the floor.

One day, I had had enough so, when he left for work I decided to clean the house from top to bottom. Clement wasn’t impressed to say the least... When he got home he found that I'd moved all of his important documents and couldn’t tell me where they were. He was furious because his mum and sister had done this to him a few years back and had lost an important file that was crucial to a court case. He lost the case as a result.

I was hurt that he didn’t appreciate the effort I had made and to make matters worse, he even complained about the food I cooked. Not being the argumentative type, I gave him the cold shoulder for weeks instead. It was awful; you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. There was no communication.



Clement got stuck between contracts and couldn’t secure a new one. His mother suggested he go to the UCKG HelpCentre, and after starting a prayer of agreement with a pastor regarding his job, he started to see changes.

Within a week, Clement secured a massive contract with a Global company. Curious and impressed by this achievement, I went to the UCKG to see what it was all about. We started to attend the HelpCentre regularly and our financial life improved dramatically but I was still depressed. I still felt trapped!

I was so unhappy that I went to one of the pastors crying frantically. I told him that Clement wasn’t actually a bad husband (he treated me well) but I wasn’t cut out for this marriage and I couldn’t love him.

The pastor advised me to think of all the positive traits my husband had instead of the negative ones. After I spoke with him, I felt so silly. It was wake up call. Many women have abusive husbands or partners who don’t come home at night and my husband did everything for me and yet I was complaining. He told me that I should look inside and work on changing myself first and then my husband would change as a result. That day was the turning point in our marriage.

Clement noticed that I was different; there were fewer arguments and the silent treatment was out the window. I realised that nagging my husband about papers and magazines was pointless and making us both unhappy; now I just step over them!

Today, we have reached a common ground and have learned that making compromises for the benefit of our marriage pays off. Nine years and two children later we have both learned that sacrifice is the highest expression of love and the shortest route to fulfillment.

Ngozi Agaegbu,
Finsbury Park

Life can be different if you take charge and decide to make things different. Speak to a spiritual counsellor at your local UCKG or call the 24 hour helpline on 020 7686 6000 now to help you get started.